Acceptance

We didn’t get back to Renolds’ apartment it was four am. I was grateful for her lumpy couch that smelled questionable. I let myself fall head first into my dreams.

I woke with an odd aftertaste of last night. My clothes smelled like stoner. I forgot where I was with a panic. I looked for a mirror to make sure I was still myself. Then my memories caught up to me. I sat back and sighed. I wanted something… I couldn’t quite pinpoint what. But I could tell I didn’t want to go home.

My stomach rumbled and the smells from the party swirled around me. I started gagging as the air suffocated me. I ripped off the clothes Renolds dressed me in the night before. I kicked the black dress across the room and clawed at the underwear until I was standing there naked. I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths.

I wanted to shed myself of this dream. I wanted to be back to my normal life. I wanted to stand in front of Lika again and kiss her. I wanted to go through my bicuriousity on my own. I didn’t want to be pushed into all the shit Renolds was pushing me into. I wanted to take it slow.

But I was already past slow. I felt like a gleaming green light. Open for anyone to mess with. I didn’t feel like a person anymore. I didn’t feel like there was such a thing as love. Only lust and sex and other disgusting things. It was like people only went around looking for an orgasm. I wasn’t like that.

On the third deep breath, I realized that I should feel like that. I should be appalled. But I wasn’t. I found it fun, different. It was like I was putting on a show for the world. I wasn’t Florence Lee anymore. I wasn’t the girl with the pigtails and innocent smile who thought kissing boys (or girls) was disgusting. I wasn’t the perfect Christian, waiting for marriage. I was a normal, human, teenager. I was horny and questioning and open to possibilities. I wasn’t perfect. But that’s what being human is: being imperfect. Being sexual. Being whoever the hell you are.

But the person I “should” have been being was strangling the person I was being. So I took one more deep breath and pushed the innocence away. I let go with a smile and felt brand new.

“I hope you didn’t sleep on my couch like that,” Renolds stirred me out of my thought process.

“No. I just needed air,” I hastily tried to cover myself up.

“Go take a shower. I’ll get you something to wear,” Renolds shuffled back into her room.

A shower and a pair of jeans later, I was ready for whatever Renolds had planned for me that day.

The Kiss

I sat on Lika’s bed and watched her spill the contents of her closet. Shimmery green tops and black pants fell beside bright red dresses and skimpy pieces of cloth.

“Fucking closet. There’s nothing in here,” She sighed and looked at me.

“Oh!” she picked up the bright red dress. It was skin tight, like a tube awaiting a victim.

“That’d look good with your skin,” I tried to act like I had a clue, but I really didn’t. So I went back to flipping through her Seventeen magazine.

“I’m too fat for this,” I regarded the entire nothingness of her middle and didn’t question. “It’s for you to wear tonight, Flor.”

“No need to mock me,” I flipped the page absently. Lika threw the dress and it landed on the magazine.

“Wear it!” I sighed and obeyed. I tried not to notice Lika’s lingering eyes, but that’s kind of hard when you’re self consciously sliding into a too tight dress.

“Sexay thang!” she slapped my ass and winked. My cheeks grew hot with embarrassment as I wrapped a blanket around myself.

“No! We’re getting you laid in that thing! No covering up your sexy legs!” She kissed my thigh like it was the most normal thing and turned away.

I was super sensitive of every part of my body. My skin was on edge. My lips were tingling. My mind started stirring…

Lika lifted her shirt over her head, sweeping her hair up with it. I looked at her gorgeous, tan bare back. There was a splash of freckles on her right shoulder. I wanted to trace them and kiss them and…

“Staring?” she turned back and raised an eyebrow. I started to stutter, or maybe I just stopped in shock. I wasn’t aware of anything but the warm blood racing through my body.

Lika turned around, showing her bare chest. I caught my breath in surprise. She laughed and crawled onto the bed. She straddled my legs and pinned me down.

“Do you like what you see? I’m sure you do. You want me, don’t you? You little lezzy,” she purred and ran a stray hand down the front of my dress.

I wanted to pull her on top of me and take her, right then. But a sly smile that worked its way across her lips told me this was all a joke. A terrible, cruel joke.

She leaned down and kissed me, full on the lips. Her tongue traced my mouth then she bit my bottom lip and didn’t let go.

“What do you think about that?” I exhaled and closed my eyes. There was nothing I could say that wouldn’t fuck it all up.

“Oh shit! We have to get going,” I hid my face in a pillow as she stripped the rest of her clothes off and put on her slinky black dress.