Hangover Soup

Falling back to sleep isn’t easy when every time you close your eyes, you’re met by the image of Astrid in a naughty nurse’s costume. But soon enough, my eyes became too heavy to handle. As the room softened into the quiet of sleep, I heard someone knocking at the door.

A part of me hoped it was Astrid with her trench coat while the rest of me just wanted sleep. “Go away,” I groaned.

The door opened anyways and someone clomped through the living room.

“Florence?” I sat straight up in bed. Was that my dream coming true? Was that Astrid?

The bedroom door creaked open and Astrid peaked in, “Hey,” she said. Sadly, she was fully clothed without a trench coat.

“Hi…”

“Tedd couldn’t come over so I’m filling in. He made his Hangover Soup for you, though,” she held up a shady looking liquid in a clear container. “Are you hungry?”

I nodded and crawled out of bed. Following her, I had the awkward realization that I had forgotten pants. I crept back into the room and tried to make myself half way presentable – this time pants were included. 

“Sorry the soup is… well let’s just say Tedd doesn’t cook for good reasons. But he always insists his Hangover Soup is the perfect remedy. I personally believe he’s still drunk when he eats this…well I don’t know what to call it. It certainly isn’t soup. But I’ll suffer through the concoction with you. Besides, I’m sure Renolds doesn’t have anything better to eat.”

“This is true,” I took a spoonful of the soup and gagged at the smell of it. “No thank you…”

“Oh… I forgot how horrid this really is… Okay, we’re going out.”

“Out to where?”

“Out to dinner, of course. Come on, go shower, put on some clothes and let’s go.”

I couldn’t argue with her on that. So I took a shower, and threw on a pair of Renolds’ jeans and a plain black shirt. I found Astrid vacuuming when I walked back into the living room.

“This room is repulsive. How the hell do you stay here?”

“We’re generally only here when we’re drunk or hung-over so it’s been fairly easy.”

“You poor thing. I’m sure you were a lovely lady until Renolds came along. I bet you went to church every week and never drank. You were probably a virgin too. I’m so sorry…”

“I know… I was a terrible bore before Renolds threw me into her chaotic mess.”

Astrid snorted and hooked her arm through mine. “So where are we going?” I asked.

“You’ll see! As you were making yourself presentable, I was scheming. Renolds has had all these nights to show you around but it’s my turn now! I’m sure you haven’t seen anything other than the clubs this town has. I’ll show you everything else.”

“Well thank you. It’d be nice to not be intoxicated for a night.”

“Oh, I never said there wouldn’t be any alcohol!” She grinned, pulling out a flask from her jacket. “Renolds and I do have a few things in common.”

Restless Sleep

She handed the warm cup of coffee to me like it was soul saving communion. Two sips into the wondrous world of coffee, the mug slipped out of my hand and shattered on the hardwood floors. Coffee sprayed everywhere, disintegrating into the mess it fell on.

“I give up,” I frowned. Renolds took me by the arm and led me into her room.

“Go to sleep. Enjoy a bed for a change. I’ll send Tedd over to watch you while I’m at work but you can sleep as long as you need.”

“Okay…” settling down on the bed, my mind began to race. “Renolds…”

“Yeah?”

“Last night… I don’t exactly remember it but… can we still forget it?”

“Of course. Now go to bed, Flo.”
I didn’t even notice her turn out the lights before I tumbled into a restless sleep.

***

Tap. Tap.

Groaning, I rolled over and opened my eyes.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Somehow, I lugged my heavy body out of bed and dragged my feet towards the window. Three stories down, clad in a trench coat, was Astrid. I gave her an odd look and waved her up.

I slipped on halfway decent clothes and tried to settle my bed head. When I looked up, I found Astrid standing in front of me.

“I was told you had a major hangover and needed someone to check up on you,” a malevolent grin scaled its way up Astrid’s cheeks.

“Well…”

“No worries. Nurse Astrid is here,” she let the trench coat fall to the floor, showing off her incredibly revealing nurse’s costume.

“Uh…”

“Get back into bed! I’ll take care of you,” there was no arguing with that.

Settled back into my spot, I watched Astrid crawl up next to me and grin in a way that hid none of her inappropriate intentions.

“Hi…” I sighed as she met me nose to nose.

“Hello,” her lips fell to meet mine. There were no words, no questions. There was only her breathing next to mine and the sound of two heels knocking on the floor. But when I opened my eyes, I found myself alone in the silence of Renolds’ room.

Following

“You should know better than to drink so much, by now.”

I looked up from my lost world and found a familiar presence. This time, she didn’t come to me as a lesbian goddess; she was just Renolds.

Keeping my mouth closed, I found myself curled up on the curb outside of her apartment building.

“You didn’t make it too far, I see.”

I buried my face in my knees.

“I’m sorry.”

I bit my lip to keep quiet.

“Flo… Florence. Please. Come inside. You’re going to get taken as a prostitute. You’re freezing. And you need a shower. Come in. Please… I’ll get on my knees and beg.”

I snorted and looked at her. “I… I don’t know how much I remember. I just know I’m pissed off at you.”

Renolds sighed and wrapped an arm around me. “I told you to leave last night.”

“Why?”

“I… almost slept with you. But I couldn’t do that. I’m supposed to be your guardian…”

The previous day flashed by and I dropped my head. “I’m a slut," I said.

“No you’re not… Florence…”

“I am! I kind of almost hooked up with Astrid… And I liked it. I like her. Then there was the handsy douche at the club. He… was a douche. And then… I saw you a few drinks later. And I got it. It felt like everything was in place but I was even more lost than normal. And last night happened… God. What will I tell Astrid…”

Renolds sighed and held out a hand for me. “Let’s go in. You need coffee and food before you deal with life. We both do.”

I took her hand and followed her in. I was getting the message that I probably shouldn’t follow Renolds anymore, but I couldn’t help it. She always seemed to know what to do.

Possibilities

Two glasses of wine sat on a nightstand, not yet sipped. The purple dress was neatly draped over a chair. A black dress was kicked aside on the floor.

Hands were all over. Lips tasted every inch. Fingers traced slowly, breaking boundaries. Teeth itched in nibbling marks. Tongues poked in slow paces. Mouths crossed paths. Arms held on tight. Legs intertwined. Clothes were slowly lost.

The possibilities were becoming realities. Renolds inched closer and closer but she could never be as close as I needed her. I held on her as if she would surely slip away.

I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t stop. But she didn’t seem to want me to.

I ran a finger down her back, her stomach lifted to meet mine. Her small hand took my hip. She didn’t drag me around like the Black Haired man, she gingerly turned me over eased herself on top of me.

She kissed my neck and pushed my hair back. For a long second, she looked at me. Her green eyes searched my own. She seemed to be looking for something, an answer, an okay. But she stopped and shook her head.

“Florence…” she said. Her lip fell between her teeth as she questioned the situation.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“It’s…” I didn’t let her finish. I lifted up to her and kissed her. Our lips tangled slowly. I ran a tongue over her bottom lip and felt her shiver beneath my fingers.

She pushed me away and looked at me, shaking her head again. “Florence…. No.”

“Why…”

“Because… I can’t. I think you should go.”

I watched her coil back and wrap the covers around her. In a blink, the soft skin I had been welcomed to was out of my reach, no longer for me.

“Renolds…”

“You should leave. I don’t think… if I see you again… I can’t. This was bound to happen… It’ll happen again. Go. Please.”

“I have nowhere to go...”

“You have an entire world. Just not here. Please.”

Dangling my legs over the bed, I finished off my glass of wine before going. The room blurred over, and then there was nothing.

Pause

With two empty cups in front of both Renolds and I, we seemed to be at the same pace. She took my hand and pulled me back into the throng of people.

We lagged in a back and forth daze as the world around us ran, pulsed, and twirled.

A piece of red hair slipped onto Renolds’ forehead. Her carefully perfected façade was no more; she was imperfect like the rest of us.

I could see how easy it would be to fall in love with her.

There was nothing else on my mind. No one else intruded my thoughts. My world consisted of me, Renolds, and a driving song.

 

I wanted to kiss those playful lips. I wanted to wrap my arms around her tiny waist. I wanted to hold her head under my chin and protect her.

Leaning in, I tested the water. She leaned in too. I gave an inch. She gave an inch.

 

We did not hesitate or stutter; we simply fell into each other and kissed. It wasn’t long or fast. There was no passion or heat. It was not anything more than two people meeting at the lips.

When we pulled away, Renolds looked at me with curiosity.

“You kissed me,” she stated.

“You kissed me back.”

Neither of us said anything or moved for a long while. Songs passed, the dance floor emptied and filled. We were a pillar in the fast paced room.

“Florence,” Renolds said. There was no command or question in her voice.

“Renolds,” I repeated. I let the letters slide off my tongue and rolled them around, tasting how it felt in my mouth.

Her name seemed pretty okay to me.

Her arms surrounded me; she was kissing me again. This time, her lips fell on my neck, my shoulders, my chest, my ears. I let her kiss me anywhere she pleased. We were no longer dragging, but swirling and swimming into the world of people.

The cold air hit us with a smack, but we didn’t separate. We periodically kissed but our hands never stopped venturing over the other’s body.

She opened the passenger door of her car and took a breath. “Pause,” she said, “We need to pause so I can get us home.”

The silence took over the kissing and feeling as soon as she closed my door. The way home was painfully long, but not painfully silent. Watching her in the darkness, I wanted her dress off. I wanted her skin on mine. I wanted to kiss her all over again. I wanted to feel. Something about Renolds seemed like a whole new frontier, a whole new possibility.

The apartment building loomed in front of us an eternity later. Looking at the building, my chest filled with all of the doubts I knew I should be having. I pushed them aside and placed a hand on Renolds’ as she parked the car.

“Play.”

Le Disko

The bass pumped our hearts as soon as we passed the threshold of the club. ‘Le Disko’, the name of the club,was painted across the hallway to get into the actual club. We stepped into the club full of people with a breath of clarity.

The music got into our veins. Notes swayed our hips. Chords drove our movements. Lyrics decided our actions.

Renolds passed me a drink and I downed it without question. Astrid suddenly slipped my mind.

“Hey,” an accent called. I turned to find a handsome man with stubble and black hair. He seemed alright.

“Hey.”

“Will you dance with me?”

Nodding, I held out my hands for him. He swept me onto the floor, setting his lips on my ear. Each breath was a dissonant sound in my euphonic world.

His unnaturally large hand held my entire back. The other hand trickled down my back, cupping my ass.

I knew Renolds gave me that dress for a reason.

We swirled together in a lyrical haze. Spinning me around, he took my hips and moved them as he wished. A warm mouth nestled into my neck, licking up to my hairline.

I felt one hand trace its way up to my chest. Another hand felt down and grabbed my thigh.

I downed another drink.

A faster song came on and we were swept into a pit of bodies. Everyone thrashed and moved. We were a body of water, connected by waves of movement tied to measures of noise. We were no longer ourselves; we were pieces of music, pulsing to the heartbeat.
He took my hand and spun me into a corner. I could only see his eyes glowing in the darkness. His teeth took my bottom lip, making me cringe in pain. His sandpaper hands rubbed my skin, clawing their way into me. His burning breath scoured neck.

“I… I need a drink,” I stumbled, fighting my way off of him.

The crowd engulfed me again. I lost the black haired man but he left a heavy feeling in my chest. I saw a flash of red bobbing towards me. Soon enough, Renolds was taking my hand and running off to the bar with me.

“Do you need a drink? I need a drink?” She moved inhumanly fast while my world dragged on, blearily.

I found her at the bar and she handed me a lovely looking drink. This one I downed to forget the black haired man.

Sheltered

Renolds took one look at me and immediately shook her head. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to put on makeup?”

“Uh…”

“Poor unfortunate being… Aren’t you lucky I’m here?!”

“Well…”

“You are. You’ll thank me for it later. Or now, you know, possibly with monetary compensation. Or sexual compensation, I mean, I can’t say no to that.”

Playfully, I hit her arm and rolled my eyes. “You’re a hussy.”

“I’ve been told so before. Now sit and let me fix you!”

So I sat and let her fix me.

“Glossy lips. Black eyes. Smoky green shadow. There you go. I guess I need to teach you how to do a lot of things, Flo. You’re sheltered.”

“Not anymore,” I snorted.

“I’m slowly breaking through your bubble. Now stand up and let me see you.”

I stood and turned around, my straight hair falling on my shoulders. The dress just barely covered the hickeys. The fabric clung to my skin and hardly covered my ass (which looked quite nice, I must admit).

“Quite nice, don’t you think?” Renolds was behind me, wrapping her arms around me. No… that wasn’t Renolds. I was back in time a few hours, feeling Astrid’s arms snake around my waist. She kissed my neck, my shoulders…

“Florence… Florence?”

I snapped out of my mind and stared at Renolds.

“What are you thinking about?”

The story of my afternoon was on my lips. I could tell Renolds, it’d be easy. She’d get it. But…maybe she wouldn’t. I didn’t think Renolds would kick me out or take me home or anything. I didn’t really think Renolds would do anything much about it. The words just wouldn’t pass my lips.

“Nothing,” I managed to say.

“Well then. Let’s go.”

Most Definitely Not

“Go get your ass in a pretty dress and get ready to go to a club! We may have had a serious moment but it’s time to get back to work,” Renolds instructed as we reached her apartment building.

“Great…” I sighed.

“What?”

I was dreading what could come of the club, to say the least, but I couldn’t tell Renolds that. So I said, “I don’t know what to wear.”

“Never fear when you have my closet!” she dashed off and disappeared up the stairs. I followed at a leisurely pace and was greeted at the door by a beaming Renolds holding a tiny lavender, spaghetti strapped dress.

“Purple? This is not a color I’ve ever seen you anywhere near before.”

“It’s solely for borrowing purposes!”

“A community dress. How wonderful. I can’t wait to get it on…”

“Hush up and get dressed! The sun’s setting. We need to get going,” Renolds dragged me into the apartment and proceeded to push me into the bathroom with the purple dress.

“Sorry. I forgot you only have the night time to go outside,” I smirked.

“I’m deeply offended you’d compare me to a creature from Twilight. Now stop procrastinating and get your ass in that dress!”

She slammed the door in my face before I could make a remark. As I slipped off my shirt, I was straddling Astrid. Her hands lifted the weight of clothing off my skin without missing a beat in kissing me.

I looked around the bathroom as if waking up from a dream. I had actually been that close to Astrid… I had actually almost had sex with Astrid…

That was all too much to comprehend. So I shook my head of anything to do with her and put on my poker face. I had an entire day of sunlight to deal with that once morning hit. For the night however, there was no Astrid. That afternoon never happened. And I certainly did not have any hickeys on my boobs to cover up. Most definitely not…

I zipped up the dress, took the price tag off with a relief (I knew exactly where the dress had been), and ran my fingers through my hair. That night, I was going to lose my straight virginity.

Maybe.

Pretexts

“I had this…friend,” Renolds began as we walked. “I use the term friend loosely. She…got into some bad things and ended up…well, dead. Yeah… She’s dead.”

Her eyes glazed over for a long moment. She shook her head and took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly.

“I’ve never said those words out loud before. I don’t know if I ever even said it to myself before. It was hard, to say the least.

“I’m not the kind of person who frowns and hurts. I move on and live. I don’t linger. But it’s hard not to dwell on the past when that’s the only place where your best friend is.

“So, I left my old town. I ran away and I had no one. For a few years I was so lost in partying and drinking… I don’t remember those years well. Eventually I woke up in the apartment of a person I didn’t know for what I wanted to be the last time. I was done being lost.

“I got a job and an apartment. I’m still not tamed, per say, but I have limits.

“I know what it’s like to be lost. Hell, I still am. Hopefully, somewhere in the confusion that is my life, you’ll find yourself.”

Renolds shrugged and took a seat on the curb. It amazed me that a girl so tiny had such a long life in so few years.

I watched her slip off her flats and set her feet on the black pavement. Perfect red toes that walked her past losing everything wiggled like it was a breezy summer day.

“Now, what’s your sob story, Flo?”

I snorted. “Does the lack of one count?”

Renolds smiled, her eyes filling with mischief and excitement again.

“Come on. Let’s go home.” We walked arm in arm, with her shoes dangling from her hand. The word home seemed like a pretty okay description for the place we were going.

Purgatory

When Renolds asked what I did that day as we settled back into her cluttered apartment , I bit my lip and suppressed answering with “Astrid”.

“Nothing,” I said slyly. It was partially true, anyways. Keyword: partially.

“Jolly good. Now, how do you feel about penis?”

“Uh… what?”

“I know. It’s a scary thing, but your bicurious adventure has been fairly monotonous. What kind of tour guide to sexuality would I be if I didn’t show you everything?”

“The kind I’d like…”

“You can’t pick out a dress without seeing all the stores first.”

“Many people do,” I pointed out.

“Well not my followers. So, we are going clubbing tonight.”

“Great… I can already smell the liquor…”

“Don’t make that face at me, Flo! You need this. Trust me. Aren’t I your lesbian goddess or something?” The Bitch smirked.

“You’re lucky I don’t have means to leave,” I play threatened.

“What would you leave me for? And where would you go?”

“I…” I didn’t know. There wasn’t a home to go back to; that was merely a house with parents. My friends weren’t really friends. There was Lika, but I kissed and ditched her so that wasn’t an option. I didn’t know any of Renolds’ friends well enough. There was Astrid but our relationship was shaky and unsure.

All I had was Renolds.

Despite residing in a purgatory between home and hell, I was surprisingly at ease.

“I don’t know,” I finally said.

“And that’s why I’m here,” for the first time since I met, Renolds, she was serious. She rested a cool hand on mine and smiled weakly.

“It’s early. Let’s take a walk.” Pulling me off the couch, I watched her eyes flicker. Something dark was immersed in the green of her eyes. A secret. A past.

I followed, transfixed by the Renolds I hadn’t yet gotten to know.

'See You Later's

Tedd didn’t even flinch when he walked in. That made me incredibly nervous and self conscious. You see, I was pinned under his sister with only a bra on and her entire top was bare. Was it normal for him to walk into a scene like that? Was she a slut? And what the hell was I doing? How long had I even known Astrid? A few days...Then again, Renolds would be proud.

“I should probably get you back to Renolds,” I heard him say. I hoped he was averting his eyes… but I couldn’t see him past Astrid.

“That was…awkward,” I said when he closed the door. I rolled out from under Astrid and began regaining myself.

“We’ve had our fair share of awkward moments.”

“So he always walks in on you and another girl?” I half joked. The other half was fairly concerned.

“Can’t say that’s happened before. But when you’ve walked in on your brother in the middle of it with some other guy, he owes you an awkward moment.”

I sighed but found a worrisome lump stuck in my throat. There was another looming question. “So…”

“So…”

We stood at opposite ends of the bed, clothed, and fairly composed. The only sign of our afternoon was our disheveled hair.

“Is this it?” I asked.

Astrid snorted. “What, are you going away? Or sending me away?

“Yeah,” I smirked, “to Iceland. The box is postmarked and ready to go.”

“Aren’t I at least worth a flight?” she laughed a bouncing laugh, making me smile. “But honestly, you’ve been here, what? A week? And I’ve ran into you a multitude of times. We’ll see each other again.”

“But…”

“Look, you seem to be one of the few people who has a mind and a voice in this world. You intrigue me. And I know I intrigue you. I see the way you watch me. So, no, it’s not it. We’ll see each other again. Maybe we’ll do this again. We’re going to be friends at the least. And I’ll send you a post card from Iceland. Okay?”

“Okay…” I was hesitant. If we left our afternoon here, nothing could be made out of it. Which I wanted… or didn’t… God… I didn’t know.

I looked up from my pensive state to find her standing beside me, “Don’t worry kid,” she placed a hand on my cheek.

My heart flipped, my stomach turned. Goddamn it, Astrid. “I should go…”

“You should,” she said while her eyes screamed “stay here”. I turned away and left before I didn’t have the strength to do so.

“I’ll see you,” I said.

“You sure as hell will,” arms wrapped around my middle and a kiss was placed on my cheek. I was pushed out the door and on my way back to Renolds before I could comprehend what happened. 

Clarity

We were laying on her black comforter in her bed. I couldn’t help but be uncomfortably aware that she slept there. Every night (hopefully alone so I could change that).

The room smelled like her: fresh, slightly flowery, mostly clean and pure.

A movie I never saw played on the T.V. but I wasn’t watching. How could I watch a movie when Astrid was lying next to me?

Her hand was painfully close to my thigh; I could feel the heat from her fingers but not the weight of her palm. Her head was resting on my shoulder; her breath grazing my ear, driving me crazy. Her feet were brushing mine. She was so close… but not close enough.

“This movie is perfect. You can’t help but smile because of it,” she said.

I nodded. I was sure it was perfect and smile inducing, but I couldn’t focus. I felt Astrid’s eyes studying me so I looked at her.

There was a pause. The world stopped for a second. Nothing moved, no one breathed. The world didn’t turn. The oceans didn’t wave. No one said a word.

She leaned in, and she kissed me. It was soft and simple. A friendly peck. But it was a kiss.

My arms needed to wrap around her. My legs had to be tangled in hers. My lips required hers back on mine. She was suddenly my life support.

Yet, I didn’t crane my neck for more. I didn’t try to drape myself with her. I only looked at Astrid, neither of us moving.

“You’re allowed to kiss me again,” she said. It amazed me that she could find words in a moment like that.

Somehow, we ended up kissing. Our lips were pasted together. Our legs were intertwined. Our arms were enclosed with each other. We were a knot, tied together. Nothing was ever clearer than in those long kisses.

***Author's Note***

Sorry for the brief delay in the story for shameless self promotion but.. I've entered a scholarship contest with one of my stories and it would be lovely of you all to vote for my entry. Voting is until May 16th. Ten votes a day, everyday can be submitted. So support a budding author so she can get scholarship money, go to college, and become a real author...Please! It'd be much appreciated.
http://createrealimpact.com/view/8886
Here is a link to my entry. If you find any problems, just let me know or go to the website (Createrealimpact.com) and find a writing piece called The Incident. I appreciate any votes!
The Bicurious Times of Florence Lee will resume with a new post in the next few days.
Thank you
~aerie

Radiating

***Author's note: Sorry for the absense. But I'm back and posting now. A quick recap: Florence realizes Renolds and the last few nights with  her were not part of some drug induced dream. Now, with Florence intently not thinking about Astrid, Renolds leaves her with Tedd for the day and, much to her surprise, Astrid is there.***

After a long awaited grilled cheese, Tedd brought me his phone. He left me to make my call alone, but Astrid didn’t think to have the same courtesy. I wasn’t surprised though, she was a curious person. 

I was too busy not thinking about Astrid to worry about calling my house.

“Hello,” I said.

My mother broke into hysterics. All I caught was “Where have you been?!”

“Well…” I didn’t even think about my lie. “Not too far away. I met up with a friend and I’ve been staying with her.”

“Who? Why?!”

“Renolds,” I couldn’t think of her last name. Astrid, thankfully, passed me a note, “Renolds Willow. I needed a change in scene. Maybe it’s stupid, but I’m 18 now. I can stay with a friend if I want.”

“What about school? And you just turned 18! You can’t do this.”

“I’ll figure it out. I can make my own decisions. I’m fine and safe. That’s what matters. If that stance changes, I’ll let you know. Goodbye.” I hung up the phone.

Astrid’s blue eyes bared questions I wouldn’t answer. “You okay?” she asked.

“I don’t really care.”

“If you’re okay?”

“What my parents think.”

“Do they know you’re gay?”

I stopped. Had I mentioned that to her? I didn’t even know if I was gay… What the hell… My frustration grew and flitted across my face.

“You are gay, aren’t you?” I shrugged. “You just… you seem so. I’m sorry. You have gay vibes.”

I laughed out loud at this. “Gay vibes? Are we on acid now?”

“No. At least I’m not. But some people radiate gay. Other’s radiate straight. It’s something I see because I pay attention. Like right now you won’t meet my eye. You haven’t all day. You haven’t had that problem before so I know you’re uncomfortable. I pay attention to these things, Florence Lee. So I know.”

Nodding, I stood up to find Tedd again. “Are you mad?” she asked.

“No. Just… well. Exhausted. In the mental sort of way that sleep doesn’t help.”

“I know a way that will help,” Her eyes lit up with a grin. It wasn’t malevolent or provocative. It was an excited grin. So I let her take me by the hand and guide me away from the world I was constantly avoiding.

Surprises

Standing behind the counter, Renolds was talking to a guy. He was on the bulky side with brown hair and freckles. She waved me over, washing me in fear. Was she going to set me up with this guy? I was getting tired of her shenanigans. I needed a break.

“This is Tedd. With two d’s. He’s one of my old friends. He’s a nice kid. Today, you’re his responsibility.”

“Hey. You’re Florence, right?”

“Right… Um, Renolds…” Of course, she scurried off to take an order. “Hi,” I said.

“I won’t even ask what Renolds has put you through. I know her well enough to know questions aren’t welcome. You poor thing. Let’s take you to my place and get you a decent meal. When was the last time you ate something decent?”

I couldn’t remember.

“I’m so sorry for my friend. Come on,” so I followed the nice man. He seemed kind enough, and he honestly was.

We got into his car and drove away. “It’s been a strange week,” I said, “That’s the only reason I’d ever get into a car with someone I didn’t know.”

“I know. Renolds told me she found you frazzled and drunk. She’s a humanitarian, honestly. Can’t help but help the poor bastard who’s trying to stick the spoon in the outlet. That was a terrible analogy but Renolds does mean the best. She just shows it in odd ways.”

“She does…”

“But has she helped?” Tedd asked.

I pondered for a moment. “She has. I would’ve never, ever in my life experimented as much if it weren’t for her. She pushed me over the edge but I found it to be a two foot jump rather than the cliff I thought it was.”

“Wow. I’ve known you for five minutes and my senseless analogies are rubbing off on you.”

I laughed. Tedd was decent, more so than anyone I’ve met yet. “No offense, but how are you friends with Renolds? Her friends are so…”

“Extravagant. I know. I went to high school with Renny. We didn’t become friends until the summer after we graduated, though. She was different. Yet she’s shifted into this mold that’s all her own. She’s a character but you have to love her.”

“You do,” I nodded.

“Here we are,” we pulled into the parking lot of an apartment building. I recognized where we were for once, about twenty minutes from my house. I had no intentions or desires to go back, though.

“Hey, can I use your phone at some point?”

“Sure.” I knew I needed to call my parents. They shouldn’t have to worry about me. I was fine… mostly.

I followed Tedd up to his apartment. As he grabbled for his keys, the door swung open and I found myself staring, surprised, at Astrid.

“Tedd! Where did you go? You just disappeared and…” she cut off midsentence.

“Oh. Sorry Sis. I had a Renolds emergency and I had to go…”

“You picked up her stray I see,” I blushed. She waved us in and stared at me. Her words weren’t curt or mean. They were matter of fact.

Rigid, I sat down. I forced myself not to look at her. It was going to be hard enough spending the afternoon with Astrid when she was exactly what I was not thinking about.

Five Minutes

Sitting in a café, Renolds lazily sipped at a mocha, crossing her cowboy boot adorned ankles.

“What am I in for today?”

“Green tea, I see.”

“After this, I mean.”

“I haven’t looked that far ahead. But I do, indeed work. So you’re going to have to entertain yourself. Don’t get lost. And try not to roam to far from here. Keep your phone on and don’t screw anyone hotter than me without calling first. Okay?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“I’m no one’s Mother, missy. That’s biologically impossible. Now go entertain yourself,” she stood up and wrapped an apron around her tight jeans. Watching her hips sway, I smiled slightly to myself.

Watching everyone in the café, I thought about the day before: I had to face my thoughts eventually.

Astrid… I would deal with her later.

My sexuality. I considered it. Girls were nice. They were simple and easy, at least for me. Guys… I hadn’t had so much experience with. I knew I was into girls, that much was certain. As for the entire concept of a sexual orientation label, it seemed irrelevant.

Now, Astrid… I decided to take a walk.

The air cleared my mind easily. I focused on the roar of a car, the crunch of leaves, the swirl of wind. I didn’t need to think about anything other than what was around me.

For five minutes, everything was simple and easy. Nothing was confusing. There was no Astrid, no Renolds, no Lika. There was only me and my simple, easy thoughts.

When I found myself back in the café, I knew my five minutes of easiness were behind me.

Not Thinking

I closed my eyes and focused all my energy on not thinking about Astrid.

I hummed the melody of the song in my head. The song gave way to lyrics about love and heartbreak, as most songs do. Astrid flittered behind my eyelids.

I tried to count sheep. Sheep number 32 became Astrid’s steady eyes on mine.

I took a deep breath and concentrated on the air moving in and out. In and out.

Walking along a brick wall, I came across a man. “What’s your trouble, lady?” he asked.

“None. None at all.”

“I see the bags under your eyes. What’s your trouble?”

“A girl.”

“Always is the trouble,” he offered me a cigarette and I took it, graciously. The smoke twirled around me. Inhale the sweet nicotine. Exhale the unwanted thoughts.

“What’s the name?” he asked.

I didn’t know. So I continued to take life-saving drags on the relaxing cigarette.

“Thank you.” I whispered, dropping the remains of the stick on the ground. Turning away, I felt the stress settle right back in to where it was.

“Sleeping at noon. I’m beginning to have a bad influence on you,” Renolds called from her perch by the window. I watched her lazily turn a cigarette over and over in her mouth.

“Is that even lit?”

“No smoking on the floor. Besides, my vices don’t include lit matches. I’d rather not deal with burns and ashes.”

She hopped up and roused me off the couch.

“What are we doing today?”

“I was figuring you needed a day off.”

“I do…” I sighed, falling back over into a sleeping position.

“Up! I didn’t mean you could sleep all day. We’re not lazy here.”

“Gah! Don’t you work or something.”

“Every night on the corner,” Renolds grinned wickedly.

“Hilarious. Honestly though, what do you do with your life?”

“Live!” she skipped off, throwing new clothes to me as she left. “Please shower! Your hair needs help,” she called from her bedroom.

Longing for the cigarette in my dream, I did as I was told.

Moments

Wrapping paper and practically the entire Spencer’s store were strewn over the floor. Sadie sipped her wine and plunged into the story of her first gay kiss. Her old friends were liberally painting the story with forgotten details and exaggerations.

“Lika,” Sadie started with a nostalgic smile. “Do you remember her?”

“Big ass,” grinned a brunette with round eyes.

“And big lips,” a blonde girl that looked familiar said.

I blushed for the sake of Lika. She did have big lips… I pondered that for a second and promptly decided to forget before I got lost in the gutter that was my mind. I still found myself slipping back to that first kiss…

“Listen,” Renolds elbowed me.

“She pulled me aside,” Sadie continued.

“More like pushed you against a wall,” Round Eyes filled in.

“And kissed me.”

“Stuck her tongue down your throat,” Blonde Girl snorted.

Sadie sighed. “You’re ruining my memories. I like to forget that part of it. She was also shaking and nervous but damn, her lips made up for it all.”

“Let me tell my story!” Round Eyes jumped in, “I was 16 and it was with this girl… Oh what was her name?”

“Shelia, right?” someone asked.

“Sure that works. Anyways, we were cashiers together. The store was never busy so we usually ended up sitting behind the counter and talking. One day, I just leaned over and kissed her. We were bored so we kept kissing. It was… interesting. But she was like, 22 and experienced. So I won’t complain.”

“She was not 22! She was 17. Maybe.”

Round Eyes rolled her eyes and sighed. “You guys always make my stories less interesting…” she pouted. Sadie offered her some more wine and she perked right up.

“Hey New Girl,” Blonde Girl looked at me.

“Florence.”

“Right. What about you? What was your moment?”

I shrugged. “I haven’t had a moment yet.”

Renolds eyed me, “Have I done anything for you? I got you laid, in a closet with that Eva chick, and around all these fabulous people,” she said that last part with a hint of sarcasm, “And after everything I’ve done, you’re going straight on me?”

“I never said that. Don’t worry.”

As Renolds face eased back into her façade, the door opened and Astrid walked in. Her blonde hair was pulled back, showing her heart shaped face. Her dark eyes danced around and landed on me. Pulling her lips into a small smile, she said, “Sorry I’m late,” she didn’t peel her eyes away from me until Sadie ran up to her for a hug.

My entire body was on edge: my spine was straight; my heart was racing; my hands were shaking. I closed my eyes and my moment passed.

Remembering

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?”

“Oh Lord, Flo. The night I found you! I was going into that party your friend took you to. You were sitting under a tree crying. When I asked what was wrong, you told me about your friend and your questioning. I said I’d help you. You were a little wasted so you agreed.”

“Wait…” I thought back to that night. I saw the road and Renolds come sweeping in like a Lesbian goddess. The background changed to the bustling street and loud music of the party I was at. I thought about the entire meeting of Renolds. I remembered running out of the house as Lika’s face got closer to mine. I felt the ghosts of tears running down my face as I sat under a tree. I saw Renolds crouch beside me and ask what was wrong. I felt myself spilling the story of Lika. Renolds arms had wrapped around me in a loose hug. Then she dragged me off and promised to help me. I agreed. I didn’t remember drinking any alcohol… but I did recall drinking something mysterious Lika had brought me.

My make believe past fell away and the magic of Renolds disappeared. She was just some girl and I was just some stranger she picked up along the way. The mystery of the trip disappeared too. It wasn’t some dream or drug trip. It couldn’t even be as farfetched as some goddess taking me through the steps of being gay. It was just Renolds.

I looked over at her. The brightness didn’t radiate from her skin. Her eyes didn’t look glazed over with age and knowledge. Her overall being didn’t beam greatness. Her skin was dull. Her eyes were dead. Her being was just there. I felt like I was at the hands of someone hopelessly normal.

“Oh,” I said and watched the road passed.

“What?”

“I just… didn’t realize this was all so… normal. I had a bit of hope it wasn’t even real.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but it’s life. It’s boring. So you do all the crazy shit you can to make it not boring. Than when you have to stop, you have the memories of all the crazy shit you did. That’s how I see it. And yeah, it’s painfully boring. To the point that sometimes you want to die. But you know what? Death could be a hell of a lot more boring than life.”

“I feel like that was an ‘It Gets Better’ talk…”

“I should have an ‘It Gets Better’ video… It’d be entertaining. I’d just go on about how amazing it is to be gay. And that brings us back to the Gayiversary party. I should teach you the ways of my people, your surrogate people for the time being. We get each other presents. It usually ends up being sex toys and lingerie. That’s just how my people are. Oh! And alcohol. We don’t say no to that…

“So it’s like a birthday party. Except better. Because it’s very… interesting. You’ll see,” She gave me a flashy smile and pulled back onto the road.

“I’m scared…”

“You should be,” Renolds drove with a too content smile on her face. I sank down in my seat and closed my eyes. I had too many thoughts racing through my head to do anything else.

Spaz Attacks

“Where’s today taking us?” I asked Renolds.

“A party!”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for another one of those things…” I hesitated to get in the car. Renolds pushed me in and through a banana in my lap, “Breakfast,” She sang.

I rolled the browning banana in my hand. I wasn’t too keen on trying it. I didn’t trust much at Renolds apartment.

“It won’t kill you. But this is a normal party! It has cake and balloons and dildos and even some wine. A totally normal Gayiversary party,” She turned to me with a threatening grin.

“A what?! And dildos… What is it? Like an orgy? I’m not up for that… I don’t even think I could handle a threesome…”

“Of course not, Young One. You’re still learning. It’s a Gayiversary party! Like a birthday party. But for the day you turned gay.”

“There’s a specific day you turn gay? How does that even happen? Does some glitter adorned drag queen dub you a homosexual?”

“No, smart-ass. I wish it was that easy… We choose the day that was the most significant in our turning gay. For Sadie, it was four years ago today. She had her first kiss with a girl. And guess who that girl was?”

 “You,” I rolled my eyes.

“No, actually. It was your precious Lika.”

 I whipped my head back to Renolds and cocked my head. “What the hell does that even mean? Lika’s like… sixteen. You’re like, what, twenty something. All your friends are too. No way some girl kissed a twelve year old way younger than her. And how do you even know Lika? Wait… how do your friends connect to mine?”

Renolds pulled over to the side of the road and turned toward me. “Say that slower with less worry-words. Calm thyself. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out.  Now replay that spaz attack one question at a time. “

“How old is Sadie and how old was Lika?”

“Sadie was like… fourteen. She’s only eighteen now. I don’t know how old Lika is.”

“Okay,” I took one calmer breath. “Now how do you know Lika?”

“When we were seniors, she was a freshman. We knew her from around. Well, my friends did. I went elsewhere.”

“So… Where are we, anyways?” I started panicking again. I thought we were states away in God Knows Where. Apparently God Knows Where was near Lika’s old school and about twenty minutes from my house.

 I started hyperventilating all over again. My mind kept going and there was no stopping it. So I closed my eyes and tried to go back to that night. I needed to know how I got where I was.