Spaz Attacks

“Where’s today taking us?” I asked Renolds.

“A party!”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for another one of those things…” I hesitated to get in the car. Renolds pushed me in and through a banana in my lap, “Breakfast,” She sang.

I rolled the browning banana in my hand. I wasn’t too keen on trying it. I didn’t trust much at Renolds apartment.

“It won’t kill you. But this is a normal party! It has cake and balloons and dildos and even some wine. A totally normal Gayiversary party,” She turned to me with a threatening grin.

“A what?! And dildos… What is it? Like an orgy? I’m not up for that… I don’t even think I could handle a threesome…”

“Of course not, Young One. You’re still learning. It’s a Gayiversary party! Like a birthday party. But for the day you turned gay.”

“There’s a specific day you turn gay? How does that even happen? Does some glitter adorned drag queen dub you a homosexual?”

“No, smart-ass. I wish it was that easy… We choose the day that was the most significant in our turning gay. For Sadie, it was four years ago today. She had her first kiss with a girl. And guess who that girl was?”

 “You,” I rolled my eyes.

“No, actually. It was your precious Lika.”

 I whipped my head back to Renolds and cocked my head. “What the hell does that even mean? Lika’s like… sixteen. You’re like, what, twenty something. All your friends are too. No way some girl kissed a twelve year old way younger than her. And how do you even know Lika? Wait… how do your friends connect to mine?”

Renolds pulled over to the side of the road and turned toward me. “Say that slower with less worry-words. Calm thyself. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out.  Now replay that spaz attack one question at a time. “

“How old is Sadie and how old was Lika?”

“Sadie was like… fourteen. She’s only eighteen now. I don’t know how old Lika is.”

“Okay,” I took one calmer breath. “Now how do you know Lika?”

“When we were seniors, she was a freshman. We knew her from around. Well, my friends did. I went elsewhere.”

“So… Where are we, anyways?” I started panicking again. I thought we were states away in God Knows Where. Apparently God Knows Where was near Lika’s old school and about twenty minutes from my house.

 I started hyperventilating all over again. My mind kept going and there was no stopping it. So I closed my eyes and tried to go back to that night. I needed to know how I got where I was.