Following

“You should know better than to drink so much, by now.”

I looked up from my lost world and found a familiar presence. This time, she didn’t come to me as a lesbian goddess; she was just Renolds.

Keeping my mouth closed, I found myself curled up on the curb outside of her apartment building.

“You didn’t make it too far, I see.”

I buried my face in my knees.

“I’m sorry.”

I bit my lip to keep quiet.

“Flo… Florence. Please. Come inside. You’re going to get taken as a prostitute. You’re freezing. And you need a shower. Come in. Please… I’ll get on my knees and beg.”

I snorted and looked at her. “I… I don’t know how much I remember. I just know I’m pissed off at you.”

Renolds sighed and wrapped an arm around me. “I told you to leave last night.”

“Why?”

“I… almost slept with you. But I couldn’t do that. I’m supposed to be your guardian…”

The previous day flashed by and I dropped my head. “I’m a slut," I said.

“No you’re not… Florence…”

“I am! I kind of almost hooked up with Astrid… And I liked it. I like her. Then there was the handsy douche at the club. He… was a douche. And then… I saw you a few drinks later. And I got it. It felt like everything was in place but I was even more lost than normal. And last night happened… God. What will I tell Astrid…”

Renolds sighed and held out a hand for me. “Let’s go in. You need coffee and food before you deal with life. We both do.”

I took her hand and followed her in. I was getting the message that I probably shouldn’t follow Renolds anymore, but I couldn’t help it. She always seemed to know what to do.

Possibilities

Two glasses of wine sat on a nightstand, not yet sipped. The purple dress was neatly draped over a chair. A black dress was kicked aside on the floor.

Hands were all over. Lips tasted every inch. Fingers traced slowly, breaking boundaries. Teeth itched in nibbling marks. Tongues poked in slow paces. Mouths crossed paths. Arms held on tight. Legs intertwined. Clothes were slowly lost.

The possibilities were becoming realities. Renolds inched closer and closer but she could never be as close as I needed her. I held on her as if she would surely slip away.

I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t stop. But she didn’t seem to want me to.

I ran a finger down her back, her stomach lifted to meet mine. Her small hand took my hip. She didn’t drag me around like the Black Haired man, she gingerly turned me over eased herself on top of me.

She kissed my neck and pushed my hair back. For a long second, she looked at me. Her green eyes searched my own. She seemed to be looking for something, an answer, an okay. But she stopped and shook her head.

“Florence…” she said. Her lip fell between her teeth as she questioned the situation.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“It’s…” I didn’t let her finish. I lifted up to her and kissed her. Our lips tangled slowly. I ran a tongue over her bottom lip and felt her shiver beneath my fingers.

She pushed me away and looked at me, shaking her head again. “Florence…. No.”

“Why…”

“Because… I can’t. I think you should go.”

I watched her coil back and wrap the covers around her. In a blink, the soft skin I had been welcomed to was out of my reach, no longer for me.

“Renolds…”

“You should leave. I don’t think… if I see you again… I can’t. This was bound to happen… It’ll happen again. Go. Please.”

“I have nowhere to go...”

“You have an entire world. Just not here. Please.”

Dangling my legs over the bed, I finished off my glass of wine before going. The room blurred over, and then there was nothing.

Pause

With two empty cups in front of both Renolds and I, we seemed to be at the same pace. She took my hand and pulled me back into the throng of people.

We lagged in a back and forth daze as the world around us ran, pulsed, and twirled.

A piece of red hair slipped onto Renolds’ forehead. Her carefully perfected façade was no more; she was imperfect like the rest of us.

I could see how easy it would be to fall in love with her.

There was nothing else on my mind. No one else intruded my thoughts. My world consisted of me, Renolds, and a driving song.

 

I wanted to kiss those playful lips. I wanted to wrap my arms around her tiny waist. I wanted to hold her head under my chin and protect her.

Leaning in, I tested the water. She leaned in too. I gave an inch. She gave an inch.

 

We did not hesitate or stutter; we simply fell into each other and kissed. It wasn’t long or fast. There was no passion or heat. It was not anything more than two people meeting at the lips.

When we pulled away, Renolds looked at me with curiosity.

“You kissed me,” she stated.

“You kissed me back.”

Neither of us said anything or moved for a long while. Songs passed, the dance floor emptied and filled. We were a pillar in the fast paced room.

“Florence,” Renolds said. There was no command or question in her voice.

“Renolds,” I repeated. I let the letters slide off my tongue and rolled them around, tasting how it felt in my mouth.

Her name seemed pretty okay to me.

Her arms surrounded me; she was kissing me again. This time, her lips fell on my neck, my shoulders, my chest, my ears. I let her kiss me anywhere she pleased. We were no longer dragging, but swirling and swimming into the world of people.

The cold air hit us with a smack, but we didn’t separate. We periodically kissed but our hands never stopped venturing over the other’s body.

She opened the passenger door of her car and took a breath. “Pause,” she said, “We need to pause so I can get us home.”

The silence took over the kissing and feeling as soon as she closed my door. The way home was painfully long, but not painfully silent. Watching her in the darkness, I wanted her dress off. I wanted her skin on mine. I wanted to kiss her all over again. I wanted to feel. Something about Renolds seemed like a whole new frontier, a whole new possibility.

The apartment building loomed in front of us an eternity later. Looking at the building, my chest filled with all of the doubts I knew I should be having. I pushed them aside and placed a hand on Renolds’ as she parked the car.

“Play.”

Le Disko

The bass pumped our hearts as soon as we passed the threshold of the club. ‘Le Disko’, the name of the club,was painted across the hallway to get into the actual club. We stepped into the club full of people with a breath of clarity.

The music got into our veins. Notes swayed our hips. Chords drove our movements. Lyrics decided our actions.

Renolds passed me a drink and I downed it without question. Astrid suddenly slipped my mind.

“Hey,” an accent called. I turned to find a handsome man with stubble and black hair. He seemed alright.

“Hey.”

“Will you dance with me?”

Nodding, I held out my hands for him. He swept me onto the floor, setting his lips on my ear. Each breath was a dissonant sound in my euphonic world.

His unnaturally large hand held my entire back. The other hand trickled down my back, cupping my ass.

I knew Renolds gave me that dress for a reason.

We swirled together in a lyrical haze. Spinning me around, he took my hips and moved them as he wished. A warm mouth nestled into my neck, licking up to my hairline.

I felt one hand trace its way up to my chest. Another hand felt down and grabbed my thigh.

I downed another drink.

A faster song came on and we were swept into a pit of bodies. Everyone thrashed and moved. We were a body of water, connected by waves of movement tied to measures of noise. We were no longer ourselves; we were pieces of music, pulsing to the heartbeat.
He took my hand and spun me into a corner. I could only see his eyes glowing in the darkness. His teeth took my bottom lip, making me cringe in pain. His sandpaper hands rubbed my skin, clawing their way into me. His burning breath scoured neck.

“I… I need a drink,” I stumbled, fighting my way off of him.

The crowd engulfed me again. I lost the black haired man but he left a heavy feeling in my chest. I saw a flash of red bobbing towards me. Soon enough, Renolds was taking my hand and running off to the bar with me.

“Do you need a drink? I need a drink?” She moved inhumanly fast while my world dragged on, blearily.

I found her at the bar and she handed me a lovely looking drink. This one I downed to forget the black haired man.