Five Minutes

Sitting in a café, Renolds lazily sipped at a mocha, crossing her cowboy boot adorned ankles.

“What am I in for today?”

“Green tea, I see.”

“After this, I mean.”

“I haven’t looked that far ahead. But I do, indeed work. So you’re going to have to entertain yourself. Don’t get lost. And try not to roam to far from here. Keep your phone on and don’t screw anyone hotter than me without calling first. Okay?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“I’m no one’s Mother, missy. That’s biologically impossible. Now go entertain yourself,” she stood up and wrapped an apron around her tight jeans. Watching her hips sway, I smiled slightly to myself.

Watching everyone in the café, I thought about the day before: I had to face my thoughts eventually.

Astrid… I would deal with her later.

My sexuality. I considered it. Girls were nice. They were simple and easy, at least for me. Guys… I hadn’t had so much experience with. I knew I was into girls, that much was certain. As for the entire concept of a sexual orientation label, it seemed irrelevant.

Now, Astrid… I decided to take a walk.

The air cleared my mind easily. I focused on the roar of a car, the crunch of leaves, the swirl of wind. I didn’t need to think about anything other than what was around me.

For five minutes, everything was simple and easy. Nothing was confusing. There was no Astrid, no Renolds, no Lika. There was only me and my simple, easy thoughts.

When I found myself back in the café, I knew my five minutes of easiness were behind me.

Not Thinking

I closed my eyes and focused all my energy on not thinking about Astrid.

I hummed the melody of the song in my head. The song gave way to lyrics about love and heartbreak, as most songs do. Astrid flittered behind my eyelids.

I tried to count sheep. Sheep number 32 became Astrid’s steady eyes on mine.

I took a deep breath and concentrated on the air moving in and out. In and out.

Walking along a brick wall, I came across a man. “What’s your trouble, lady?” he asked.

“None. None at all.”

“I see the bags under your eyes. What’s your trouble?”

“A girl.”

“Always is the trouble,” he offered me a cigarette and I took it, graciously. The smoke twirled around me. Inhale the sweet nicotine. Exhale the unwanted thoughts.

“What’s the name?” he asked.

I didn’t know. So I continued to take life-saving drags on the relaxing cigarette.

“Thank you.” I whispered, dropping the remains of the stick on the ground. Turning away, I felt the stress settle right back in to where it was.

“Sleeping at noon. I’m beginning to have a bad influence on you,” Renolds called from her perch by the window. I watched her lazily turn a cigarette over and over in her mouth.

“Is that even lit?”

“No smoking on the floor. Besides, my vices don’t include lit matches. I’d rather not deal with burns and ashes.”

She hopped up and roused me off the couch.

“What are we doing today?”

“I was figuring you needed a day off.”

“I do…” I sighed, falling back over into a sleeping position.

“Up! I didn’t mean you could sleep all day. We’re not lazy here.”

“Gah! Don’t you work or something.”

“Every night on the corner,” Renolds grinned wickedly.

“Hilarious. Honestly though, what do you do with your life?”

“Live!” she skipped off, throwing new clothes to me as she left. “Please shower! Your hair needs help,” she called from her bedroom.

Longing for the cigarette in my dream, I did as I was told.

Moments

Wrapping paper and practically the entire Spencer’s store were strewn over the floor. Sadie sipped her wine and plunged into the story of her first gay kiss. Her old friends were liberally painting the story with forgotten details and exaggerations.

“Lika,” Sadie started with a nostalgic smile. “Do you remember her?”

“Big ass,” grinned a brunette with round eyes.

“And big lips,” a blonde girl that looked familiar said.

I blushed for the sake of Lika. She did have big lips… I pondered that for a second and promptly decided to forget before I got lost in the gutter that was my mind. I still found myself slipping back to that first kiss…

“Listen,” Renolds elbowed me.

“She pulled me aside,” Sadie continued.

“More like pushed you against a wall,” Round Eyes filled in.

“And kissed me.”

“Stuck her tongue down your throat,” Blonde Girl snorted.

Sadie sighed. “You’re ruining my memories. I like to forget that part of it. She was also shaking and nervous but damn, her lips made up for it all.”

“Let me tell my story!” Round Eyes jumped in, “I was 16 and it was with this girl… Oh what was her name?”

“Shelia, right?” someone asked.

“Sure that works. Anyways, we were cashiers together. The store was never busy so we usually ended up sitting behind the counter and talking. One day, I just leaned over and kissed her. We were bored so we kept kissing. It was… interesting. But she was like, 22 and experienced. So I won’t complain.”

“She was not 22! She was 17. Maybe.”

Round Eyes rolled her eyes and sighed. “You guys always make my stories less interesting…” she pouted. Sadie offered her some more wine and she perked right up.

“Hey New Girl,” Blonde Girl looked at me.

“Florence.”

“Right. What about you? What was your moment?”

I shrugged. “I haven’t had a moment yet.”

Renolds eyed me, “Have I done anything for you? I got you laid, in a closet with that Eva chick, and around all these fabulous people,” she said that last part with a hint of sarcasm, “And after everything I’ve done, you’re going straight on me?”

“I never said that. Don’t worry.”

As Renolds face eased back into her façade, the door opened and Astrid walked in. Her blonde hair was pulled back, showing her heart shaped face. Her dark eyes danced around and landed on me. Pulling her lips into a small smile, she said, “Sorry I’m late,” she didn’t peel her eyes away from me until Sadie ran up to her for a hug.

My entire body was on edge: my spine was straight; my heart was racing; my hands were shaking. I closed my eyes and my moment passed.