Most Definitely Maybe

“So what do you think?” Astrid asked.

I looked around the little restaurant and smiled. “It’s cozy. Like a café but… not.”

“How beautifully descriptive; I feel like I should write that down to make millions off it later.”

I stuck my tongue out at Astrid and she rebutted by throwing her straw paper down my shirt. “Ten points for me! Aren’t I fantastic?”

“I beg to differ,” I smirked.

“Okay, Pain-in-the-Ass, I propose a drinking game while we wait for our mac and cheese.”

“A drinking game? At six in the evening? In the middle of a restaurant with children two tables over?”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?”

I sighed. “Obviously with my sanity. Okay, how’s this game go?”

“Well,” she nonchalantly pulled out her flask and began pouring vodka into her orange juice, “I ask you a question and you either answer or drink. If you answer, I drink. We don’t need to down the whole thing; the point isn’t to get drunk, it’s to loosen your lips.”

“Sounds… well it sounds like your mischievous little way of finding out too much about me. But I’m up for it if you ask the first question.”

“Fine, Ms. Pain. First question…” she bit her lip as she pondered. “Favorite book?”

“That’s a lame question, but there are too many to chose from.”

“Good answer,” she took a sip of her orange juice and our game had officially begun.

Fifteen minutes of waiting for our food later, our lips were certainly loosening. “Okay,” Astrid gave me a mischievous glare, “Have you ever been in love before?”

I drank, too ashamed to admit I only had crushes from afar. “How far have you gone with a guy?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“All the way, bitch!”

“You’re not supposed to drink if you answered!”

“It was for emphasis. So, are you straight or not?”

“Undecided,” I shrugged.

“It’s not a goddamn major. That’s a total bullshit answer. Drink!”

“Fine. What about you? Are you gay, straight, bi, none of the above?”

“I am a pansexual,” She grinned proudly.

“Sounds lovely,” I drank, noting to myself that I needed to ask Renolds what that was…

“What did you think of our little escapade?”

“You mean…”

“You know what I mean. And don’t you dare drink,”

“Well… It was…nice.”

“Would you be okay if it happened again?”

“Hey! It’s my turn to ask.”

“You’re welcome to ask anything you’d like after you answer my questions in full. So, would you be okay if it happened again?”

“Most definitely maybe,” I grinned, downing the rest of my vodka spiked orange juice.

Hangover Soup

Falling back to sleep isn’t easy when every time you close your eyes, you’re met by the image of Astrid in a naughty nurse’s costume. But soon enough, my eyes became too heavy to handle. As the room softened into the quiet of sleep, I heard someone knocking at the door.

A part of me hoped it was Astrid with her trench coat while the rest of me just wanted sleep. “Go away,” I groaned.

The door opened anyways and someone clomped through the living room.

“Florence?” I sat straight up in bed. Was that my dream coming true? Was that Astrid?

The bedroom door creaked open and Astrid peaked in, “Hey,” she said. Sadly, she was fully clothed without a trench coat.

“Hi…”

“Tedd couldn’t come over so I’m filling in. He made his Hangover Soup for you, though,” she held up a shady looking liquid in a clear container. “Are you hungry?”

I nodded and crawled out of bed. Following her, I had the awkward realization that I had forgotten pants. I crept back into the room and tried to make myself half way presentable – this time pants were included. 

“Sorry the soup is… well let’s just say Tedd doesn’t cook for good reasons. But he always insists his Hangover Soup is the perfect remedy. I personally believe he’s still drunk when he eats this…well I don’t know what to call it. It certainly isn’t soup. But I’ll suffer through the concoction with you. Besides, I’m sure Renolds doesn’t have anything better to eat.”

“This is true,” I took a spoonful of the soup and gagged at the smell of it. “No thank you…”

“Oh… I forgot how horrid this really is… Okay, we’re going out.”

“Out to where?”

“Out to dinner, of course. Come on, go shower, put on some clothes and let’s go.”

I couldn’t argue with her on that. So I took a shower, and threw on a pair of Renolds’ jeans and a plain black shirt. I found Astrid vacuuming when I walked back into the living room.

“This room is repulsive. How the hell do you stay here?”

“We’re generally only here when we’re drunk or hung-over so it’s been fairly easy.”

“You poor thing. I’m sure you were a lovely lady until Renolds came along. I bet you went to church every week and never drank. You were probably a virgin too. I’m so sorry…”

“I know… I was a terrible bore before Renolds threw me into her chaotic mess.”

Astrid snorted and hooked her arm through mine. “So where are we going?” I asked.

“You’ll see! As you were making yourself presentable, I was scheming. Renolds has had all these nights to show you around but it’s my turn now! I’m sure you haven’t seen anything other than the clubs this town has. I’ll show you everything else.”

“Well thank you. It’d be nice to not be intoxicated for a night.”

“Oh, I never said there wouldn’t be any alcohol!” She grinned, pulling out a flask from her jacket. “Renolds and I do have a few things in common.”

Restless Sleep

She handed the warm cup of coffee to me like it was soul saving communion. Two sips into the wondrous world of coffee, the mug slipped out of my hand and shattered on the hardwood floors. Coffee sprayed everywhere, disintegrating into the mess it fell on.

“I give up,” I frowned. Renolds took me by the arm and led me into her room.

“Go to sleep. Enjoy a bed for a change. I’ll send Tedd over to watch you while I’m at work but you can sleep as long as you need.”

“Okay…” settling down on the bed, my mind began to race. “Renolds…”

“Yeah?”

“Last night… I don’t exactly remember it but… can we still forget it?”

“Of course. Now go to bed, Flo.”
I didn’t even notice her turn out the lights before I tumbled into a restless sleep.

***

Tap. Tap.

Groaning, I rolled over and opened my eyes.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Somehow, I lugged my heavy body out of bed and dragged my feet towards the window. Three stories down, clad in a trench coat, was Astrid. I gave her an odd look and waved her up.

I slipped on halfway decent clothes and tried to settle my bed head. When I looked up, I found Astrid standing in front of me.

“I was told you had a major hangover and needed someone to check up on you,” a malevolent grin scaled its way up Astrid’s cheeks.

“Well…”

“No worries. Nurse Astrid is here,” she let the trench coat fall to the floor, showing off her incredibly revealing nurse’s costume.

“Uh…”

“Get back into bed! I’ll take care of you,” there was no arguing with that.

Settled back into my spot, I watched Astrid crawl up next to me and grin in a way that hid none of her inappropriate intentions.

“Hi…” I sighed as she met me nose to nose.

“Hello,” her lips fell to meet mine. There were no words, no questions. There was only her breathing next to mine and the sound of two heels knocking on the floor. But when I opened my eyes, I found myself alone in the silence of Renolds’ room.

Following

“You should know better than to drink so much, by now.”

I looked up from my lost world and found a familiar presence. This time, she didn’t come to me as a lesbian goddess; she was just Renolds.

Keeping my mouth closed, I found myself curled up on the curb outside of her apartment building.

“You didn’t make it too far, I see.”

I buried my face in my knees.

“I’m sorry.”

I bit my lip to keep quiet.

“Flo… Florence. Please. Come inside. You’re going to get taken as a prostitute. You’re freezing. And you need a shower. Come in. Please… I’ll get on my knees and beg.”

I snorted and looked at her. “I… I don’t know how much I remember. I just know I’m pissed off at you.”

Renolds sighed and wrapped an arm around me. “I told you to leave last night.”

“Why?”

“I… almost slept with you. But I couldn’t do that. I’m supposed to be your guardian…”

The previous day flashed by and I dropped my head. “I’m a slut," I said.

“No you’re not… Florence…”

“I am! I kind of almost hooked up with Astrid… And I liked it. I like her. Then there was the handsy douche at the club. He… was a douche. And then… I saw you a few drinks later. And I got it. It felt like everything was in place but I was even more lost than normal. And last night happened… God. What will I tell Astrid…”

Renolds sighed and held out a hand for me. “Let’s go in. You need coffee and food before you deal with life. We both do.”

I took her hand and followed her in. I was getting the message that I probably shouldn’t follow Renolds anymore, but I couldn’t help it. She always seemed to know what to do.

Possibilities

Two glasses of wine sat on a nightstand, not yet sipped. The purple dress was neatly draped over a chair. A black dress was kicked aside on the floor.

Hands were all over. Lips tasted every inch. Fingers traced slowly, breaking boundaries. Teeth itched in nibbling marks. Tongues poked in slow paces. Mouths crossed paths. Arms held on tight. Legs intertwined. Clothes were slowly lost.

The possibilities were becoming realities. Renolds inched closer and closer but she could never be as close as I needed her. I held on her as if she would surely slip away.

I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t stop. But she didn’t seem to want me to.

I ran a finger down her back, her stomach lifted to meet mine. Her small hand took my hip. She didn’t drag me around like the Black Haired man, she gingerly turned me over eased herself on top of me.

She kissed my neck and pushed my hair back. For a long second, she looked at me. Her green eyes searched my own. She seemed to be looking for something, an answer, an okay. But she stopped and shook her head.

“Florence…” she said. Her lip fell between her teeth as she questioned the situation.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“It’s…” I didn’t let her finish. I lifted up to her and kissed her. Our lips tangled slowly. I ran a tongue over her bottom lip and felt her shiver beneath my fingers.

She pushed me away and looked at me, shaking her head again. “Florence…. No.”

“Why…”

“Because… I can’t. I think you should go.”

I watched her coil back and wrap the covers around her. In a blink, the soft skin I had been welcomed to was out of my reach, no longer for me.

“Renolds…”

“You should leave. I don’t think… if I see you again… I can’t. This was bound to happen… It’ll happen again. Go. Please.”

“I have nowhere to go...”

“You have an entire world. Just not here. Please.”

Dangling my legs over the bed, I finished off my glass of wine before going. The room blurred over, and then there was nothing.

Pause

With two empty cups in front of both Renolds and I, we seemed to be at the same pace. She took my hand and pulled me back into the throng of people.

We lagged in a back and forth daze as the world around us ran, pulsed, and twirled.

A piece of red hair slipped onto Renolds’ forehead. Her carefully perfected façade was no more; she was imperfect like the rest of us.

I could see how easy it would be to fall in love with her.

There was nothing else on my mind. No one else intruded my thoughts. My world consisted of me, Renolds, and a driving song.

 

I wanted to kiss those playful lips. I wanted to wrap my arms around her tiny waist. I wanted to hold her head under my chin and protect her.

Leaning in, I tested the water. She leaned in too. I gave an inch. She gave an inch.

 

We did not hesitate or stutter; we simply fell into each other and kissed. It wasn’t long or fast. There was no passion or heat. It was not anything more than two people meeting at the lips.

When we pulled away, Renolds looked at me with curiosity.

“You kissed me,” she stated.

“You kissed me back.”

Neither of us said anything or moved for a long while. Songs passed, the dance floor emptied and filled. We were a pillar in the fast paced room.

“Florence,” Renolds said. There was no command or question in her voice.

“Renolds,” I repeated. I let the letters slide off my tongue and rolled them around, tasting how it felt in my mouth.

Her name seemed pretty okay to me.

Her arms surrounded me; she was kissing me again. This time, her lips fell on my neck, my shoulders, my chest, my ears. I let her kiss me anywhere she pleased. We were no longer dragging, but swirling and swimming into the world of people.

The cold air hit us with a smack, but we didn’t separate. We periodically kissed but our hands never stopped venturing over the other’s body.

She opened the passenger door of her car and took a breath. “Pause,” she said, “We need to pause so I can get us home.”

The silence took over the kissing and feeling as soon as she closed my door. The way home was painfully long, but not painfully silent. Watching her in the darkness, I wanted her dress off. I wanted her skin on mine. I wanted to kiss her all over again. I wanted to feel. Something about Renolds seemed like a whole new frontier, a whole new possibility.

The apartment building loomed in front of us an eternity later. Looking at the building, my chest filled with all of the doubts I knew I should be having. I pushed them aside and placed a hand on Renolds’ as she parked the car.

“Play.”

Le Disko

The bass pumped our hearts as soon as we passed the threshold of the club. ‘Le Disko’, the name of the club,was painted across the hallway to get into the actual club. We stepped into the club full of people with a breath of clarity.

The music got into our veins. Notes swayed our hips. Chords drove our movements. Lyrics decided our actions.

Renolds passed me a drink and I downed it without question. Astrid suddenly slipped my mind.

“Hey,” an accent called. I turned to find a handsome man with stubble and black hair. He seemed alright.

“Hey.”

“Will you dance with me?”

Nodding, I held out my hands for him. He swept me onto the floor, setting his lips on my ear. Each breath was a dissonant sound in my euphonic world.

His unnaturally large hand held my entire back. The other hand trickled down my back, cupping my ass.

I knew Renolds gave me that dress for a reason.

We swirled together in a lyrical haze. Spinning me around, he took my hips and moved them as he wished. A warm mouth nestled into my neck, licking up to my hairline.

I felt one hand trace its way up to my chest. Another hand felt down and grabbed my thigh.

I downed another drink.

A faster song came on and we were swept into a pit of bodies. Everyone thrashed and moved. We were a body of water, connected by waves of movement tied to measures of noise. We were no longer ourselves; we were pieces of music, pulsing to the heartbeat.
He took my hand and spun me into a corner. I could only see his eyes glowing in the darkness. His teeth took my bottom lip, making me cringe in pain. His sandpaper hands rubbed my skin, clawing their way into me. His burning breath scoured neck.

“I… I need a drink,” I stumbled, fighting my way off of him.

The crowd engulfed me again. I lost the black haired man but he left a heavy feeling in my chest. I saw a flash of red bobbing towards me. Soon enough, Renolds was taking my hand and running off to the bar with me.

“Do you need a drink? I need a drink?” She moved inhumanly fast while my world dragged on, blearily.

I found her at the bar and she handed me a lovely looking drink. This one I downed to forget the black haired man.

Sheltered

Renolds took one look at me and immediately shook her head. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to put on makeup?”

“Uh…”

“Poor unfortunate being… Aren’t you lucky I’m here?!”

“Well…”

“You are. You’ll thank me for it later. Or now, you know, possibly with monetary compensation. Or sexual compensation, I mean, I can’t say no to that.”

Playfully, I hit her arm and rolled my eyes. “You’re a hussy.”

“I’ve been told so before. Now sit and let me fix you!”

So I sat and let her fix me.

“Glossy lips. Black eyes. Smoky green shadow. There you go. I guess I need to teach you how to do a lot of things, Flo. You’re sheltered.”

“Not anymore,” I snorted.

“I’m slowly breaking through your bubble. Now stand up and let me see you.”

I stood and turned around, my straight hair falling on my shoulders. The dress just barely covered the hickeys. The fabric clung to my skin and hardly covered my ass (which looked quite nice, I must admit).

“Quite nice, don’t you think?” Renolds was behind me, wrapping her arms around me. No… that wasn’t Renolds. I was back in time a few hours, feeling Astrid’s arms snake around my waist. She kissed my neck, my shoulders…

“Florence… Florence?”

I snapped out of my mind and stared at Renolds.

“What are you thinking about?”

The story of my afternoon was on my lips. I could tell Renolds, it’d be easy. She’d get it. But…maybe she wouldn’t. I didn’t think Renolds would kick me out or take me home or anything. I didn’t really think Renolds would do anything much about it. The words just wouldn’t pass my lips.

“Nothing,” I managed to say.

“Well then. Let’s go.”

Most Definitely Not

“Go get your ass in a pretty dress and get ready to go to a club! We may have had a serious moment but it’s time to get back to work,” Renolds instructed as we reached her apartment building.

“Great…” I sighed.

“What?”

I was dreading what could come of the club, to say the least, but I couldn’t tell Renolds that. So I said, “I don’t know what to wear.”

“Never fear when you have my closet!” she dashed off and disappeared up the stairs. I followed at a leisurely pace and was greeted at the door by a beaming Renolds holding a tiny lavender, spaghetti strapped dress.

“Purple? This is not a color I’ve ever seen you anywhere near before.”

“It’s solely for borrowing purposes!”

“A community dress. How wonderful. I can’t wait to get it on…”

“Hush up and get dressed! The sun’s setting. We need to get going,” Renolds dragged me into the apartment and proceeded to push me into the bathroom with the purple dress.

“Sorry. I forgot you only have the night time to go outside,” I smirked.

“I’m deeply offended you’d compare me to a creature from Twilight. Now stop procrastinating and get your ass in that dress!”

She slammed the door in my face before I could make a remark. As I slipped off my shirt, I was straddling Astrid. Her hands lifted the weight of clothing off my skin without missing a beat in kissing me.

I looked around the bathroom as if waking up from a dream. I had actually been that close to Astrid… I had actually almost had sex with Astrid…

That was all too much to comprehend. So I shook my head of anything to do with her and put on my poker face. I had an entire day of sunlight to deal with that once morning hit. For the night however, there was no Astrid. That afternoon never happened. And I certainly did not have any hickeys on my boobs to cover up. Most definitely not…

I zipped up the dress, took the price tag off with a relief (I knew exactly where the dress had been), and ran my fingers through my hair. That night, I was going to lose my straight virginity.

Maybe.

Pretexts

“I had this…friend,” Renolds began as we walked. “I use the term friend loosely. She…got into some bad things and ended up…well, dead. Yeah… She’s dead.”

Her eyes glazed over for a long moment. She shook her head and took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly.

“I’ve never said those words out loud before. I don’t know if I ever even said it to myself before. It was hard, to say the least.

“I’m not the kind of person who frowns and hurts. I move on and live. I don’t linger. But it’s hard not to dwell on the past when that’s the only place where your best friend is.

“So, I left my old town. I ran away and I had no one. For a few years I was so lost in partying and drinking… I don’t remember those years well. Eventually I woke up in the apartment of a person I didn’t know for what I wanted to be the last time. I was done being lost.

“I got a job and an apartment. I’m still not tamed, per say, but I have limits.

“I know what it’s like to be lost. Hell, I still am. Hopefully, somewhere in the confusion that is my life, you’ll find yourself.”

Renolds shrugged and took a seat on the curb. It amazed me that a girl so tiny had such a long life in so few years.

I watched her slip off her flats and set her feet on the black pavement. Perfect red toes that walked her past losing everything wiggled like it was a breezy summer day.

“Now, what’s your sob story, Flo?”

I snorted. “Does the lack of one count?”

Renolds smiled, her eyes filling with mischief and excitement again.

“Come on. Let’s go home.” We walked arm in arm, with her shoes dangling from her hand. The word home seemed like a pretty okay description for the place we were going.