Remembering

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?”

“Oh Lord, Flo. The night I found you! I was going into that party your friend took you to. You were sitting under a tree crying. When I asked what was wrong, you told me about your friend and your questioning. I said I’d help you. You were a little wasted so you agreed.”

“Wait…” I thought back to that night. I saw the road and Renolds come sweeping in like a Lesbian goddess. The background changed to the bustling street and loud music of the party I was at. I thought about the entire meeting of Renolds. I remembered running out of the house as Lika’s face got closer to mine. I felt the ghosts of tears running down my face as I sat under a tree. I saw Renolds crouch beside me and ask what was wrong. I felt myself spilling the story of Lika. Renolds arms had wrapped around me in a loose hug. Then she dragged me off and promised to help me. I agreed. I didn’t remember drinking any alcohol… but I did recall drinking something mysterious Lika had brought me.

My make believe past fell away and the magic of Renolds disappeared. She was just some girl and I was just some stranger she picked up along the way. The mystery of the trip disappeared too. It wasn’t some dream or drug trip. It couldn’t even be as farfetched as some goddess taking me through the steps of being gay. It was just Renolds.

I looked over at her. The brightness didn’t radiate from her skin. Her eyes didn’t look glazed over with age and knowledge. Her overall being didn’t beam greatness. Her skin was dull. Her eyes were dead. Her being was just there. I felt like I was at the hands of someone hopelessly normal.

“Oh,” I said and watched the road passed.

“What?”

“I just… didn’t realize this was all so… normal. I had a bit of hope it wasn’t even real.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but it’s life. It’s boring. So you do all the crazy shit you can to make it not boring. Than when you have to stop, you have the memories of all the crazy shit you did. That’s how I see it. And yeah, it’s painfully boring. To the point that sometimes you want to die. But you know what? Death could be a hell of a lot more boring than life.”

“I feel like that was an ‘It Gets Better’ talk…”

“I should have an ‘It Gets Better’ video… It’d be entertaining. I’d just go on about how amazing it is to be gay. And that brings us back to the Gayiversary party. I should teach you the ways of my people, your surrogate people for the time being. We get each other presents. It usually ends up being sex toys and lingerie. That’s just how my people are. Oh! And alcohol. We don’t say no to that…

“So it’s like a birthday party. Except better. Because it’s very… interesting. You’ll see,” She gave me a flashy smile and pulled back onto the road.

“I’m scared…”

“You should be,” Renolds drove with a too content smile on her face. I sank down in my seat and closed my eyes. I had too many thoughts racing through my head to do anything else.

Spaz Attacks

“Where’s today taking us?” I asked Renolds.

“A party!”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for another one of those things…” I hesitated to get in the car. Renolds pushed me in and through a banana in my lap, “Breakfast,” She sang.

I rolled the browning banana in my hand. I wasn’t too keen on trying it. I didn’t trust much at Renolds apartment.

“It won’t kill you. But this is a normal party! It has cake and balloons and dildos and even some wine. A totally normal Gayiversary party,” She turned to me with a threatening grin.

“A what?! And dildos… What is it? Like an orgy? I’m not up for that… I don’t even think I could handle a threesome…”

“Of course not, Young One. You’re still learning. It’s a Gayiversary party! Like a birthday party. But for the day you turned gay.”

“There’s a specific day you turn gay? How does that even happen? Does some glitter adorned drag queen dub you a homosexual?”

“No, smart-ass. I wish it was that easy… We choose the day that was the most significant in our turning gay. For Sadie, it was four years ago today. She had her first kiss with a girl. And guess who that girl was?”

 “You,” I rolled my eyes.

“No, actually. It was your precious Lika.”

 I whipped my head back to Renolds and cocked my head. “What the hell does that even mean? Lika’s like… sixteen. You’re like, what, twenty something. All your friends are too. No way some girl kissed a twelve year old way younger than her. And how do you even know Lika? Wait… how do your friends connect to mine?”

Renolds pulled over to the side of the road and turned toward me. “Say that slower with less worry-words. Calm thyself. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out.  Now replay that spaz attack one question at a time. “

“How old is Sadie and how old was Lika?”

“Sadie was like… fourteen. She’s only eighteen now. I don’t know how old Lika is.”

“Okay,” I took one calmer breath. “Now how do you know Lika?”

“When we were seniors, she was a freshman. We knew her from around. Well, my friends did. I went elsewhere.”

“So… Where are we, anyways?” I started panicking again. I thought we were states away in God Knows Where. Apparently God Knows Where was near Lika’s old school and about twenty minutes from my house.

 I started hyperventilating all over again. My mind kept going and there was no stopping it. So I closed my eyes and tried to go back to that night. I needed to know how I got where I was. 

***Authors Note 2***

I've missed this story too much. So! Florence Lee is back.
Here's a quick overview of what's happened so far: Lika kissed Florence. Renolds, a "Lesbian Goddess", found Florence and took her on a bicurious adventure. Florence had a one night stand with an employee at Starbucks who smelled like coffee. Florence met Astrid.
That's pretty much a short recap of what's been going on. I hope you enjoy the rest of Florence Lee!
~aerie

***Author's note***

I will be discontinuing The Bicurious Times of Florence Lee until futher notice.
That feels so terribley formal... For the time being, I won't be posting anymore about Florence. I may start again later, I may not.
I'm sorry to anyone who has been keeping up with the story.
I'll post more later on whether or not I plan to continue The Bicurious Times of Florence Lee.

~aerie

Acceptance

We didn’t get back to Renolds’ apartment it was four am. I was grateful for her lumpy couch that smelled questionable. I let myself fall head first into my dreams.

I woke with an odd aftertaste of last night. My clothes smelled like stoner. I forgot where I was with a panic. I looked for a mirror to make sure I was still myself. Then my memories caught up to me. I sat back and sighed. I wanted something… I couldn’t quite pinpoint what. But I could tell I didn’t want to go home.

My stomach rumbled and the smells from the party swirled around me. I started gagging as the air suffocated me. I ripped off the clothes Renolds dressed me in the night before. I kicked the black dress across the room and clawed at the underwear until I was standing there naked. I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths.

I wanted to shed myself of this dream. I wanted to be back to my normal life. I wanted to stand in front of Lika again and kiss her. I wanted to go through my bicuriousity on my own. I didn’t want to be pushed into all the shit Renolds was pushing me into. I wanted to take it slow.

But I was already past slow. I felt like a gleaming green light. Open for anyone to mess with. I didn’t feel like a person anymore. I didn’t feel like there was such a thing as love. Only lust and sex and other disgusting things. It was like people only went around looking for an orgasm. I wasn’t like that.

On the third deep breath, I realized that I should feel like that. I should be appalled. But I wasn’t. I found it fun, different. It was like I was putting on a show for the world. I wasn’t Florence Lee anymore. I wasn’t the girl with the pigtails and innocent smile who thought kissing boys (or girls) was disgusting. I wasn’t the perfect Christian, waiting for marriage. I was a normal, human, teenager. I was horny and questioning and open to possibilities. I wasn’t perfect. But that’s what being human is: being imperfect. Being sexual. Being whoever the hell you are.

But the person I “should” have been being was strangling the person I was being. So I took one more deep breath and pushed the innocence away. I let go with a smile and felt brand new.

“I hope you didn’t sleep on my couch like that,” Renolds stirred me out of my thought process.

“No. I just needed air,” I hastily tried to cover myself up.

“Go take a shower. I’ll get you something to wear,” Renolds shuffled back into her room.

A shower and a pair of jeans later, I was ready for whatever Renolds had planned for me that day.

Have You Ever

I downed the rest of my beer and waited for some more entertainment to come into the kitchen. In came a group of five, obviously drunk people. A black haired girl set out five cups, poured a mix of alcohol in and said “Never have I ever.”

A blonde girl clapped excitedly and downed half her drink. “Not yet, Brooke! They haven’t said anything,” a plain looking girl said.

“Well I’ve done it all…” Blonde Girl, Brooke, said sheepishly.

“Wanna play?” Black Hair turned to me and asked.

“Um… Sure,” I hopped off the counter and sat on the floor by Brooke. She smiled at me and blinked her unfocused eyes. “I’m Brooke!”

“Hi, I’m Florence,” Brooke didn’t seem to care, or pay attention. So I waited for someone to start.

“New girl! Start,” some guy in a flannel shirt nodded.

“Okay… Never have I ever…” I thought through all of the things I haven’t done, “Had sex with a guy,” I admitted.

They laughed and took their drinks. All of them, including Flannel Shirt and the hauntingly blue eyed guy.

“Never have I ever,” Brooke started, “kissed a girl.”

“Nuh-uh, you whore! Summer of ’09! Don’t you remember?!” The Plain Girl said.

“Oh right… Oops!” She took a drink as well as the two guys and Plain Girl. I hesitantly did the same.

“Oh! Virgin likes the girls. I get it now,” Black Hair winked. I sank back and blushed. I didn’t know how to handle those people.

“Whatever floats your boat, Virgin,” Blue Eyes elbowed me.

“Sammy! You’re turn.”

Plain Girl, who’s apparently Sammy, rolled her eyes. “Pass.”

“Hey! No passing!” Brooke whined.

“Oh shut it. Go Clarice.”

Black Hair, or Clarice, grinned maliciously. “Never have I ever kissed Brooke.”

Flannel Shirt, Blue Eyes, and Sammy raised their drink. “I’m surprised you haven’t experienced the Brooke yet, Virgin. She gets around,” Clarice raised an eyebrow at the girl. Brooke sat their sipping her drink contently, now oblivious to the game.

“Oh! I got one!” Flannel Shirt grinned, “Never ever have I ever nor will I ever go down on a girl.” I was the only one to take a drink that time.

“Virgin ain’t so virginal…” Blue Eyes observed. They all seemed to enjoy my embarrassment.

Blue Eyes started to think of something to say when my lesbian goddess came to the rescue. In her killer heels and skin tight dress, she cocked a hip and shook her head. “You guys corrupting innocent Florence, here?”

“She’s not that innocent, Ren!”

“I’m aware. Come on Young One. It’s time to go.” I got up gratefully and let her take me around the waist.

“So how was your first party?” I closed my eyes and thought of Astrid.

“I’m not really sure.”

Astrid

I made my way through the house and found the mostly empty kitchen. So I hopped onto the counter and sipped a beer as people whirled around me. A disoriented girl ran in, looked around frantically, grabbed a spoon and ran out without a glance. Two guys fell into the room: lips mashing and hands all over. They glanced at me and groped their way into the next doorway.

Two girls walked in, gossiping so loudly they didn’t see me. I found out a lot about people I didn’t know. They left after awhile and a new girl came into the room. She didn’t look lost or high or intoxicated. Her blue eyes gleamed clearly.

“You seem sober,” she smiled at me.

“Mostly,” I gestured to the cup.

“I’m not too into these things,” she shrugged, coming to sit with me on the counter.

“Me either. I was dragged here against my will.”

“They have services and authority figures who can fix that,” she smirked

“I’m aware, thanks.”

“No problem,” She smiled, “I’m Astrid.”

“Florence Lee,” I half grinned back.

“So Florence Lee, who dragged you here?”

“Renolds. I don’t really know much about her… It’s a long story.”

“Renolds… She’s a crazy bitch. But she’s cool.”

“You know her?”

“Everyone knows Renolds,” She smacked her lips and curled into a ball. Her blonde hair fell into her eyes. I had an odd urge to push it away. Astrid looked terribly tiny. Not Renolds tiny: short but full of confidence. She looked small in a fragile way.

She turned and looked up at me. “What?”

“Nothing,” I blushed.

“You don’t stare at someone for no reason.”

“I was just noticing you. Trying to read you.”

“Well what do you think of me?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t really know. I’m trying to figure you out.”

“Is it that hard?” she slipped off the counter. “I’m really nothing much,” she shrugged and walked away.

“Astrid,” I called. She paused at the door without looking back. “Did I offend you?”

“No,” she said quietly. With a shy look over her shoulder, she gave a small smile, “I just wanted to make an exit.” Astrid pushed her way back into the party, leaving me wondering.

Eva Darling

Renolds disappeared in the mass of bodies, leaving me to face the new world alone. I stumbled around until I saw Eva, not too far away. Her blonde hair frizzed around an oval face. Black eyes peered directly at me. She had put on normal clothes. Well, a slinky dress which seemed to be normal for the group of people.

I walked over to her, grateful for the familiar person not swept into the smoke. I pretended she didn’t just act like she wanted to sleep with me for Renolds’ enjoyment.

“Hey,” I said. She nodded but continued to stare. “Eva, right?”

“Eva Darling.”

“So you’re an actress, right?” she bobbed her head. “I hope the whole scene Renolds put on wasn’t too awkward for you.”

“Nope.”

I rocked on my heels trying to make her speak. “Are you a lesbian?”

“More or less.”

I figured that’s what I was too: a more or less lesbian. “Me too.” She stared a little more intensely, then looked away.

“You’re not really into that stuff, are you? That S&M.”

“It’s on my sex to-do list.”

“Does everyone have one of those?” I wondered aloud. I felt like the only one who didn’t know anything about anything.

“More or less.”

Fantastic, I thought. I’m a more or less lesbian who’s more or less clueless.

“What else is on your list?” I decide I can steal from her.

She stopped for a second as a thought passed behind her blank eyes. She pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard. Her teeth dug into my lips. Her tongue thrust into my throat.

Eva pulled me into a closet and continued swapping my neck with her tongue. I gagged a little and pushed her away.

“I’ve always wanted to kiss a stranger in a closet.” She shrugged.

I wiped my chin and looked at the dark spot where she probably was. “You can check that off your list.”

“Did you kiss a girl before?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Did you kiss two girls before?”

“Yeah.”

“At the same time?”

“Um… no…” Do people do that, I wondered.

“Oh. I’ve always wanted to. Want to find a third?”

“No thanks…”

“Too bad,” she shrugged and left.

I mentally crossed Eva Darling and kiss a stranger in a closet off my non-existent list.

Anything

When I told Renolds I’d do anything, she looked at me and laughed so hard, she almost rolled over into the wrong lane.

“Anything, eh? Ha! I think I can make you doubt that,” she looked over at me with trouble glinting in her eye.

I gulped and didn’t want to think what was coming.

“Down the hall, first door on the right. Just lay down and I’ll send your anything right up,” Renolds winked. The second we got to the party, she set off to find someone willing to torture me in whatever sexual ways she had planned. I considered whether or not this was rape. But I doubted whoever was coming into this room would be serious about whatever we were doing. I knew Renolds just wanted to scare me into place.

The door creaked open and an eye peaked in. All I could see was the black on white staring back at me. It closed again and I was left in waiting.

A few minutes later, my doom walked into the room clad in a black leather body suit. Her deadly heels clicked under her as she flung her long blonde hair dramatically.

“Hello. I’m Eva. Are you ready?” She punctuated with a slap of the whip in her hand.

“What is this?” I backed away.

“It’s S & M, sweetheart. Sadist and masochist. Dominant and subdominant,” she swung the whip and smiled greedily.

I wasted no time getting up and running out the door. What the fuck?!

Renolds was waiting outside with a prideful smile on her face.

“Happy?”

“Extremely,” she cackled.

The door opened and the blonde girl strutted out. Renolds slipped a twenty into her long hand, “That was so worth the money. You were perfect, Eva Darling. I loved the whip cracking! It totally made everything better. If you ever need an acting reference, just call me.”

“Sure,” Eva nodded and looked at me. “Cute,” She blinked emotionlessly.

I blinked back at the blonde. “I’m Florence Lee.”

“I know,” she nodded and walked off. Odd child, I thought.

“You didn’t even know what S & M was before, did you?” Renolds asked.

“Well…”

“It’s okay. If no one teaches you, how should you know. Let’s start with the basics. Do you know what a 69 is?”

I bit my lips and looked at her awaiting eyes. “Goddamn. Time for sex-ed. Everything you will ever need to know about sex is in a handy little book called the Kuma Sutra. We’ll be making an emergency trip to borders first thing tomorrow morning. For now, just don’t get yourself into any bedrooms. I think there may still be hope for you if you just follow that one little rule. Now come on.”

She took my hand and thrust me, head first, into a smoking world of lust that I never knew.

Experiments

We were in the car again driving to another unknown location. I was wrapped tightly in one of Renolds’ little black dresses. “We’re going to a party,” she smiled.

I looked over at the lady next to me. Her angular face was focused on the road. Her hair seemed to be an overgrown pixie cut. A piece of maroon cloth knotted around her just barely covering her skin. She didn’t look so angelic anymore. She didn’t look like a goddess.

She looked like a normal girl that I barely knew. But she was the person calling the shots in my life. It all seemed too much for me.

“What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?” Renolds asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re on a sex-capade. You can do whatever the hell you want. It’s like Vegas. What happens on a sex-capade, stays on a sex-capade. Except for STD’s… STI’s… whatever the hell they’re called. Those tend to haunt you for awhile. So be careful, Young One. ”

She rolled halfway into a crosswalk, scaring the life out of a tiny child. She rifled through her purse as the boy ran the other way. “Here you go,” she said throwing a handful of condoms into my lap.

“What are these for?”

She slammed on the breaks, this time in the middle of an intersection, “Are you serious?!”

“You’re making me nervous… Please refrain from stopping in the middle of dangerous places. It’d make me feel better. But I thought I was just going to be with the girls… these certainly are of no use between two girls.”

“They’re loads of fun! You can blow them up like balloons and… oh never mind. But the traditional sex-capade calls for intercourse between both male and female kind,” Renolds recited.

“That sounds like a dictionary definition. Am I really so behind on life that I didn’t know these were so common.”

“I made it up. More or less. But come on! You can’t completely rule out males. You’re virginal, missy! Well, in the world of straights. I can’t let you decide right now that you’re not going to ever be with a guy when you don’t even know what you are. One must always be prepared for spontaneous sex.”

“Right from the girl scout handbook?”

“Of course! Now, what have you always wanted to try?” she prompted.

“Well… Shower sex, I guess.”

“Shower sex? Is that it? No S & M? A little experimenting in expeditions outside the bedroom? Be adventurous! Anything in the world that you could ever try. You have all the possibilities on your fingertips. What would you try?”

I tried to think of something to make her happy. But I didn’t even know what S & M was. As for outside the bedroom sex, the most creative I could get was the shower. So I closed my eyes and reluctantly said, “Anything.”